ALLYDOG's Home

Over the Christmas/New Years Holidays this year, I made one of my semi-annual trekks back home.  Even though I live only 60 miles from the town where I grew up, I find as the years go by, my visits home become fewer and farther between.  After my most recent visit, on the way back to Rochester, I found myself thinking about why my visits have become fewer in recent years.

I sometimes think that I was sheltered from the world by growing up in the Waterloo area.  I was not exposed to different cultures, ethnicities, lifestyles, etc.  While I understand why we were sheltered from the world, I feel that in many ways it was a diservice to us as we moved into adulthood.  Take for example, it was drilled into our heads that homosexuality was evil and anyone with the tendancy towards it would burn in hell.  That fear and lack of understanding really did cause much inner turmoil inside me for many years.  Even today, when I go back, I wonder, who knows the truth?  What are they saying?  And then in the next thought, I remind myself that I don't care what they are saying, who knows the truth.  What really matters is I am happy.

What really bothers me the most when I return "home", is the disjointed feeling I have.  While I have many good memories growing up such as riding my bike, playing with matchbox cars, swinging under the big Maple tree, I find now that I don't feel like my childhood home is really my home.  It has become a place in my past.  I find that when I do visit, I can't wait to leave and get back to my life.

The thing I decided, home really is where you are at now in your life, not the place of childhood memories.