Stories from an Empty Nester

Yes, I am yearning for spring as the snow continues to pile up. Not just because the bitter cold gets to me, not just because of the "winter blues " or the want of riding on the back of a bike crusing down back country roads. No, it is far more pressing to me to get out and walk in nature. The body and the mind are calling for it. I have decided that though it may be slippery out, I cannot sit back on my laurels any longer. I will start walking...be it indoors or out.

I want to maintain all that I have strived for over the last year, not only for my back and good health, but for my ego as well. A boost to the self esteem is being screamed for in the recesses of my mind as I seek employment, a clean home and peace of mind. No, I have not begun to look as I once did before the weight loss. A careful morning revue in the mirror tells me that. Yet, there is a nagging in me saying, "You are slipping...even if ever so slightly...you are slipping."

The scales say I am not "slipping that bad". Yet, I know that that is denial of true facts. I have gained a few pounds, Christmas excuse isn't all that plausible to me anymore. I have been "careful", but not overly so. I indulge in things I like, but not on a daily basis to an extreme. I still count my servings. I use smaller plates. I won't double indulge in one day...ok, sometimes I have. This is myself being honest with me. One of the hardest feats known to mankind.

So, today...out came the notebook, logged into calorie counting sites, calculated my new BMR(Basica Metabolic Rate) and found my calorie needs just to wake up and breathe...but that will only maintain this weight. Onto the AMR (Active Metabolic Rate)...and there goes 500 calories a day. Yes, I calculated my calories burned as well based on my activity level and with walking one mile a day. Total of 250 burned. But I am not counting them in the equation at this time. No, because the walking may not occur each day...and it it does..BONUS! Master's face turned quizzical as I careful measured margarine for my whole grain raisin toast. Every calorie counts now. Even the 2% milk in my coffee. Mental note: pick up Fat Free Milk.

Now, do not get me wrong, I am not looking to slim down in any magnificent weight loss. Just what I gained... then the pounds needed to get to my goal. Total of nine pounds. My clothes still fit...the bf is always telling me to buy a belt for the loose jeans. I kinda like 'em slipping down...lol. Weird? Yep. But it makes me feel thinner. (Oh...before your imagination runs...they never fall off completely!). Another form of denial, I guess. I just know that now that I see that I have gained "ever so slightly"...it is noticable to me. That  is what is most important to me. That I do not feel good about me. It will effect every other are of my life.

I am not talking about swimsuit season, or looking great on the back The Master's Bike. I am talking about my attitude towards me, presenting myself for employment opportunites and actually being in a job. I am taking all sorts of course on boosting positive thinking, problem solving, thinking things through and it is high time I put them to the test.

I am my own worse critic. I woke this morning nagging at myself...but almost headed in the wrong directions. Pout about. Starve yourself. Among other thoughts, these actually went through my head. Along with blaming others, "Well...I just ate that because he/she/they did/do....blah blah blah." Nope...all cop outs. Not the new and improved me I have worked on for a few years now. Time to get back to work on me.

If in the end I happen to look better in a bikini, on Master's bike, or just in a nice pair of tight fitting jeans...I will gladly face those consequences. Oh, one question? Anyone know the amount of calories burned typing up a blog on FL1?