Stories from an Empty Nester

Somewhere over a warmish cup of coffee, I heard the news, a dear forum friend was lost. A loss of any kind hits you in the chest, but for it to be someone so young, it truly hits home. You are stunned and the world seems to change before your eyes. A clearer vision of the things around you, the people you love, the things you feel you have left to do.

I have felt this before. Younger days when I lost a friend at age ten...not even a teenager. Death happened to old people, not people who were pre-teen. Then another friend at the tender age of 16, I was only 14. Again, another one passed away, I was 17 he was 14. Just no explanation for that. Young life snuffed out so quickly. A life not fully lived, at least in my eyes. Then, at age 39, another close, nearly life-long friend was killed in a car accident, leaving her young boys behind.

It never ceases to stun me, you cannot prepare yourself for it. The news yesterday was stunning, and honestly, I only knew the person from the forum. My sadness was nothing compared to that of his family and close friends. I would never try to assume that it was.

Yet, as I went about my day, DDC was in my thoughts. Tim. I wasn't that familiar with him, in my mind he is DDC...AC/DC fan, motorcyclist, winemaker, humorous poster, and all around nice guy. Plans were made from time to time for us to meet at my brother's home. It never came to pass, as it happens, time was always a factor. So many on the forum I have said I would like to meet, and haven't yet. Again, I feel empty on that promise. Much like I did when my close friend was killed in a car accident. Weeks before we had run into each other, and had promised to "do lunch". It never came to be.

The age of the internet has introduced me to many "friends" I have never and most likely will never meet. A "chat room junky" in the first year of being on the internet, I still get email Christmas cards from "friends" on my favorite chat. People I had never met face to face, yet built a relationship with. Like the days of my penpal from Holland whom I never met, but still have her picture tucked in an old album somewhere.  Coming onto the forums four years ago, I have met many "forumites". I have yet to meet many that have shared my ups and downs, life's challenges and troubles. Laughs by the thousands, tears of joy and sadness. Angry words, and calming posts. All of it culminating in friendships via the superhighway.

Now, I know this isn't "all about me", nor is it truly in anyway really about the forums. Not even about friendships made via the internet. It is about having compassion for the folks who truly have to live life day to day without this person in their lives. That is where it comes to be a part of you. You put yourself in those peoples' shoes and look to your own inner circle. Family, friends, maybe even co-workers, and wonder how it would effect you to lose them so suddenly. We all have lost someone so suddenly, I am sure.

Somehow, though, it makes you pull that inner circle in tighter. The principles in the circle may not notice you are hugging them tighter, watching them as if to engrave them into a memory bank in your brain. That cannot hear your brain checking off a list of things you want to accomplish, in case it it you that has to leave this Earth. But, you are doing it.

No, it isn't about me. But, in the end, it effects us all. No matter how insignificant we felt we were in that person's life. We are human. We feel, we hurt. We cry. We are also making that personal check list of things to do. I want to make sure everyone who is a part of my life knows I truly love them. I want my boyfriend to know how happy he has made me these last four months. I want my children to know how proud I am of their accomplishments. I want to ride in the wind cross country. I want to leave my mark upon this earth. Just as DDC has, in his own way. Just as I am sure he is wondering what all the fuss is on the forums over his passing and is probably saying, "Knock off the fluffy posts and get more music videos on there!" Oh, but I am sure he is revving up his bike to ride along side for the planned tribute ride, "Now that's what I am talking about!"

Ride on, Tim. Ride on, DDC. You have left an emptiness on the forum. But, you have also left volumes of wonderful posts for us to remember you by. Little glimpses into the man you were. God speed, DDC.